LAST-MINUTE HATER'S GUIDE TO CANADA
If you're as dedicated as I am to not doing anything, you're surely spending this afternoon watching the United States square off against Canada in the Olympic ice hockey semifinals. CANADA! Those horse-mounting salmon eaters needed to bribe a fucking post
yesterday just to beat our women's team. They are a grotesquely bland half-continent of people. It's as if you took Minnesota Nice and crafted the second largest country in the world out of it. Like one giant, empty Lowe's.