Waiting patiently for Guffman…or just settling for an early spring…
Let’s start from the beginning. Dave was born the son of gypsies who traveled the Midwest, town to town, selling snake oil and trinkets to unwary townsfolk. As a young boy, Dave unwittingly began his own career. The gypsies would use Dave as their freak show. He’d be placed in a cage and encouraged to “entertain” the town’s young folk. He had a rough start.
“Mommy, make that boy STOP! He’s scaring me!”
“Stop it you wierd, wierd boy! You’re scaring my daughter!”
Initially, he did not understand their response, but soon realized that the people were masking their secret ENJOYMENT of his wierdness. This just encouraged him along in his wacky pursuits.
By the time he was an adult, Dave had invented the squirting flower, whoopie cushion, itching powder, the “fake fly in the ice cube” and the “&” symbol, which he tried to copyright. (The copyright was never approved. Maybe it was the itching powder in the application envelope?) Dave never made a dime from any of these inventions, but the world was a better place for all of them. Instead, he considered his payment the (few) laughs that they produced, & the fact that anytime someone wanted to type “and”, they could now do it in a single keystroke, like I just did.
Dave wandered the western mountain ranges, the plains of the midwest, the colonial towns of the east and the Amish country of the northeast, before finding himself in North Dakota. It was there he finally found his keys. Oh, and a WIFE. Apparently he found her on an “off day”, as she agreed to get “hitched” and move to Leonard…the place they oughta be, so they gathered up their stuff and moved to “Len-er-deee.” Sand Hills, that is. Black Gold. Movie Stars.
Dave’s gal must have let her guard down a few times, as they have three beautiful children who we will call “Scooter” “Fang” and, uh, “Daughter”. Dave’s friends would always say “Thank goodness they look like their MOTHER!” Dave got even with those friends (he put Ex-Lax in their cocoa.)
Now Dave resides in Sunny southern Cass County…(Leonard) with his lovely wife of 18 years (she MUST be crazy!) and three chillen (southern Cass County talk for “kids”). Dave enjoys chasing butterflies, giving luge lessons and building model airplanes (??) These all have one thing in common: Dave likes to do them. Oh yeah, and Halloween. Anyway, he is active in his church, skis and runs a non-profit organization called “Buy Me Stuff Will Ya??”. He also continues to enjoy making people laugh. Most of the time it happens when people SEE him. That’s about all it takes. Other times he has to try harder.