Times change, and so do movies. And it’s equal parts amusing and horrifying to go back and look at old movies, and see just how WRONG some of them were. With that in mind, someone put together a list of 23 Movies That Would Never Be Made Today. Here are 11 of them:
1. “Song of the South”, 1946. Set on a plantation after the Civil War, and with questionable depictions of black stereotypes that were probably well-meaning for the time. Disney has yet to release this on any home video format, and probably never will.
2. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, 1961. This one’s a little silly, because you totally COULD remake this. You’d just have to remove the super-offensive Asian comic relief character played by the very non-Asian MICKEY ROONEY.
3. “Blazing Saddles”, 1974. This one’s interesting, because it’s loaded with humor that was MEANT to tackle racism head-on. RICHARD PRYOR was even one of the writers. But not everyone can get away with this kind of humor now. DAVE CHAPPELLE did . . . maybe HE should remake it.
4. “Soul Man”, 1986. C. THOMAS HOWELL in BLACKFACE . . . seriously . . . playing a white kid who takes tanning pills in order to get a Harvard scholarship meant for African-Americans.
5. “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”, 1994. The villain is an angry transsexual, and everybody gets all grossed out when they find out.
6. “The Toy”, 1982. RICHARD PRYOR plays a struggling journalist who takes a job as a child’s plaything for the son of a millionaire, played by JACKIE GLEASON. Like “Blazing Saddles”, this one PURPOSELY tackles racial issues . . . but in this politically-correct climate, it would be a hard sell.
7. “Scarface”, 1983. As much of a classic as this one is, you have to admit AL PACINO plays a pretty stereotypical, over-the-top Latino.
8. “Gigli”, 2003. There are a million reasons why nobody would WANT to remake this atrocity. But two reasons you CAN’T are BEN AFFLECK “turning” J-LO’s lesbian character straight, and JUSTIN BARTHA’s portrayal of a mentally handicapped kid.
9. “Heathers”, 1990. School violence? Yeah, not a good time. In fact, the Paramount Network even had made it into a TV series and had it ready to air . . . then yanked it after the school shooting in Parkland, Florida.
10. “Pretty Baby”, 1978. Twelve-year-old BROOKE SHIELDS playing a child prostitute? The movie was based on a true story, but still . . . if you WERE going to remake it, there’s no way you’d do it with an actress who was underage in real life.
11. “Home Alone”, 1990. This one’s purely logistical. With all the hoops airport security makes you jump through, there’s no way a family could get all the way onto a plane without realizing they’re missing a kid.
Also, who depends on a landline anymore? Kevin would have had a hundred different ways to contact his family in time for them to pick him up . . . or to call the cops if he was still in the house when the burglars showed up.
Originally posted on July 30th, 20